Your Story: The Cautionary Tale
Look, someone has to be the first one to go, and unfortunately, the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Test has determined that person is you. You are the Person Zero. You are the character in the horror movie who hears a strange noise in the dark basement and shouts, "Hello? Is anyone there?" instead of running away.
It is not that you are useless; it is just that you lack the killer instinct required for the end of the world. Maybe you tried to pet a zombie dog, or maybe you refused to wear practical shoes. Either way, your contribution to the apocalypse is swelling the ranks of the undead. You are the reason the zombie spread signs move so quickly.
Survival Stats
- Optimism: 10 out of 10
- Common Sense: 0 out of 10
- Luck: minus 5 out of 10
- Survival Probability: 0% (You are already bitten)
The Verdict: The Walking Snack
Do not feel bad. Without people like you, the Warlords and Drifters would not look nearly as cool. You provide the chaos that makes the apocalypse exciting. Your stress response was to freeze or scream, which just rang the dinner bell for every ghoul in a five-mile radius.
To embrace this archetype: Work on your cardio (for next time). If you find yourself in a real apocalypse, try to find a Warlord immediately and do whatever they say. Or, just accept your fate and try to be a well-dressed zombie. At least you will make a great loot drop for someone else.