Test Result
Moderate to Severe Concerns
“You often act as the emotional anchor for others, but the weight of their needs is beginning to submerge your own identity.”
Your overall pattern: Moderate to Severe Concerns
Your scores suggest a significant degree of entanglement in your relationships. You likely spend a large portion of your mental energy monitoring, managing, or worrying about others. It is probable that you often feel responsible for other people's happiness—and conversely, you feel like a failure when they are unhappy or struggling.
This pattern is often driven by a big heart, but it is a heart that is working overtime. You may feel that if you don't hold everything together, it will all fall apart. This hyper-vigilance is exhausting and can lead to burnout, where you feel empty because you have given everything away.
"It is not your job to be the shock absorber for everyone else's pain. Their journey is theirs to walk."
Typical behaviors
- The Fixer: When someone has a problem, you immediately jump in to solve it, often before they even ask.
- Chameleon Mode: You might unconsciously change your mood or opinions to match those around you to ensure safety and connection.
Strengths in this pattern
- Deep Dedication: You are fiercely loyal and willing to go to great lengths for loved ones.
- Crisis Management: You are likely excellent at handling emergencies because you are always scanning for danger.
Common pitfalls
The cost of over-caring:
- Loss of Self: You may struggle to answer the question, "What do I do for fun just for me?"
- Controlling Outcomes: Because you care so much, you may become controlling, trying to micromanage others' lives "for their own good," which damages intimacy.
"Reflection point: Are you helping them because they need it, or because you need to feel needed?"
What you can do next
Small actions you can start today
- The 'Not My Problem' Mantra: Identify one stressor in a loved one's life today and silently repeat: "I love them, but this is their problem to solve."
- Schedule Solitude: Book a 30-minute block this week where you are unavailable to everyone. Turn off your phone. Do something solely for you.
Longer-term directions
- Re-discover Hobbies: Return to an interest you dropped because you "didn't have time" due to relationship obligations.
- Detachment with Love: Learn the art of caring about someone without taking on the burden of their choices.
Disclaimer and when to seek help
This test identifies patterns consistent with moderate codependency. It is not a diagnosis. Support groups (like CoDA) or therapy can be very effective for these patterns.